The Sac Part 1: The Adventures of Sexy Pig

D and Frank moved to Sacramento (The Sac) back in October, and while I was fortunate to see at least one of them each month through January, the time to plan a trip out to visit rapidly approached. We finally settled on April, and Kirk and I booked our flights. Thinking back, they are some of my best friends of nearly fifteen years. That's fifteen years of memories, stories, adventures, and support for which I am eternally grateful and I was crazy excited to get to spend nearly a week with all of them.

If nothing else, D and I have kitsch in common. The stranger and more odd something is, the more drawn we tend to be to it if just for the comedic value. I still cherish the rainbow inner tube we bought together in South Beach years ago and take it on every camping trip. I still dig around for pictures of the bobblehead we took to Vegas - we photographed that thing everywhere we went (with slot machines, under the beer tap at the Bellagio, on stage at Second City, with a really bad showgirl at the Stratosphere...). D received Sexy Pig in a family White Elephant gift exchange, and while I'm sure everyone else thought it was the worst and most obnoxious gift ever, D fell in love. And when D, Frank and I landed in the Sac and piled into the car and I found Sexy Pig, I knew she'd make it into a few pictures. So, without further ado, here are The Adventures of Sexy Pig!


Sexy Pig made a little trip down to San Francisco. On the way to the Palace of Fine Arts, we missed a turn and ended up on the road to the Golden Gate Bridge inadvertently. Sexy Pig shared the adventure of crossing the bridge twice - the first picture is of the bridge crossing. Kirk was excited to see the Rainbow Tunnel at the end of the bridge, so we were sure to snap a picture of Sexy Pig approaching the tunnel of gay love.



The impetus behind traveling during the weekend we selected was that D and Frank, through no fault of their own, ended up with two extra tickets for a winery tour. Frank was gracious enough to rent a Navigator and a driver, and we proceeded to enjoy the day sipping wine. The first picture is of a scenic view at one of the wineries - there is a barely visible a snow-capped mountain in the background between Sexy Pig's head and the tree. The next picture is of D given a little love to Sexy Pig.



Not only did we enjoy having Sexy Pig around, but she became a bit of a celebrity as we toured the wineries. Ms. New York and Ms. Michigan were rather excited to greet Sexy Pig and were more excited to have their picture taken with her.

I don't know much, but I do know our trip wouldn't have been the same without D's beloved Sexy Pig.

Late Night Thoughts...

Can a leopard change its spots? I'm beginning to thing maybe not so much.

Huh...

Who woulda thunk?

Thanks, Officer Friendly!

Toronto Trip Part Four...or five...I'm so losing count already. I headed to Toronto with Runs With Spatula and Sheryl to meet up with Tia. It's been a while since we've seen Tia, and while it's only for a short visit, it's long overdue to get together and catch up.

Unfortunately, Dianne couldn't join us. We did manage to purchase a chocolate penis and Dutch double-salted black licorice (aka poison, asscandy, pure evil...the list of monikers goes on...) for her. In her honor, I finally tried to eat a piece of licorice. I hate black licorice to start with, but then take black licorice and salt it to the point where you can barely taste the licorice part, and then make it so hard as to not be masticable, and you have something that's virtually impossible to consume. But, I gave it a whirl, which is surprising since the last time I had seen people try to eat this delicacy, I witnessed Tia and Spatula - two people with the most robust constitutions ever - both violently eject said candy from their mouths before it barely had rested on their tongues more than a second. So, I popped one in my mouth with little fanfare, and attempted to eat it. I worked on it for at least two minutes before I spit it out - quite a feat, I believe - which wasn't until I felt my stomach muscles starting to spasm in an all-to-familiar way.

But, I digress. Before we even left Michigan, and while we were passing through St. Claire County, I had the misfortune to be clocked at 83 in a 70. Granted, at the time, Sheryl was reading an article to me from US Weekly (another nod to Dianne) about Britney Spears, which included in the headline "Unstable Britney..." So, I dutifully pulled to the side of the road and began speaking with Officer Friendly:
OF: So, 83 miles per hour?
Me: I know - but my friend was reading this article about Unstable Britney.
OF: I'm surprised you weren't going 90.
Me: No kidding!
OF: You must be pretty popular on the drag race circuit.
Me: Right?
**insert more idle chit-chat about where we were headed, why we were going there, and how much sealed alcohol we were taking with us**
OF: Do you have your license, registration and proof of insurance?
Me: Of course (pulled license from purse and insurance and registration from glove box, secretly thankful that I always get rid of old copies so as to not have to fumble looking at expiration dates...).
OF: Is there anything I should know before I run your license? Any outstanding warrants?
Me: Good god, I hope not!
OF: How's your driving record?
Me: Pretty good - no points, only a few 5-over tickets.
OF: Okay. (returns to vehicle to do whatever it is that cops do when they have your shit)
OF: Okay, before I let you go, I have a bit of trivia for you. Do you know what the left lane is for?
Me: Passing only? Unlike what I was doing?
OF: Exactly. You're free to go - have a safe trip.

So, an officer with a sense of humor who didn't give me a ticket. I have a new-found respect for St. Claire County thanks to Officer Friendly.

The trip was great as usual - Bubba Kegs full of Lambrusco, discovered the wonders of Toronto's mass transit system, and had a blast with my friends. Wish every day could be like that...

Worky work work work....

Email to Clock, because I knew she'd appreciate this:

So, I just had one of the guys bring a touch-up tube of paint in to me. It's a small tube - about 0.5 oz. It has two applicators - one is a brush (very much like nail polish) and the other is a pen-like top where you press down and the paint comes out. Anyway, the guy brought to me a tube that's labeled silver but has red in it. So, we chatted for a bit and he left, and I decided to grab a stickie note to play a little with the pen-like applicator. So I made some dots on the stickie note and decided I was done and put it down. I glanced back over at the stickie note and noticed I had inadvertently made a very phallic representation with dots of red paint. So, I grabbed the tube of paint and added some more dots to make it one giant blob in case anyone walks or stops by, all the while thinking about Super Bad and the 8%...

Mistaken...Yet Again....

Funny conversation after hanging out at the bowling alley:

Andy: You're a democrat, aren't you?
Me: No. I'm hippie liberal, but definitely am more libertarian.
Andy: Seriously?!
Me: Yep. I'm way socially liberal. And I'm more about people having choices.
Andy: So what do you think about the helmet law?
Me: My godfather received a kidney transplant. I have pretty strong feelings helmet and seat belt laws. I figure if you are not a minor, you should have the choice. I am all for enforcing that minors or people who cannot legally make decisions for themselves being forced to comply with helmets and seat belts. But if you're an adult and don't want to be safe, who am I to say? And if you're not smart enough to protect yourself...well, there's other people that may benefit from your decision to be unsafe.
Andy: I agree with you. The government shouldn't legislate morality.
Me: I agree. But I also think prostitution and drugs should be legalized and taxed.
Andy: I'm impressed, May.
Me: How so?
Andy: Because you're willing to walk the walk, not just talk the talk.

I feel the need to add a little caveat. I do believe in education. Strongly. I think people should be educated so that they understand the choices they are making. But beyond providing the best information possible, there's not much to be done.

I do find it funny how it seems if you're perceived as being socially liberal, it automatically dumps you into the category of being a democrat. I've never been registered as a democrat. I've never pulled a straight ticket while voting. I had a hard time voting for Obama because I didn't think he (and his party) were right in not standing up in support of gay marriage and gay rights in general. There were other reasons, too, but that was the main one.

So, I've decided on a few other issues, too. Pleural marriage - have at it. If some man is crazy enough to want to take on many wives, feel free. I personally think it's ludicrous - why would you want to invite that chaos into your life? I don't foresee many women taking on many husbands. Plus, I'm sure that would mean a new religion would have to form first so that women had some kind of reason to believe they should need or want many husbands. I wonder how hard it would be to start this up just to see what would happen...*wicked, wicked grin*

Back to libertarianism...given that I don't belong to any particular party, this is the one that probably most fits my beliefs. I've had a couple of people argue with me about whether or not it's a conservative philosophy (smaller government, lower taxes, more freedom). But I think the overall concept is quite liberal - the idea that people can and should be responsible for themselves is certainly not conservative. I think at times it gives more credit than is due, but I'd rather run with that than try to save or protect people from themselves (generally, an impossibility - human's level of stubbornness is ridiculous - I know...I'm human).

So, those are my thoughts for today. We'll see what tomorrow brings.

Thanks for the Encouragement...

Yet another swim meet today - this one was at OU. The Michigan Open - last chance to qualify for States and / or improve seed times before States. I just love the smell of chlorine.

So, I got to the meet, found Miss and sat down between her and another mom (we'll call her Insensitive Lady, or IL for short) from Justin's team. I got there just as Miss was explaining that Jamie wasn't going to be there today (exhausted and sore from a long day the day before - healing is hard) and the conversation went as such:
Miss: "No, Jamie's not going to be here today. But we have Aunt Carrie!"
IL: "Well, it's certainly not as good as having Dad here."
Me: *trying to hide my irritation* "Sorry?"
IL: "I mean it's nice that you came, but it's just not the same."
Me: "No, I suppose not. I do try to make it to as many of his meets as I can. I always love to watch Justin swim."
IL: "Oh, will you be at the State Meet?" *spoken in a tone to test me to see if I knew when it was*
Me: "I wouldn't miss it, though I'll likely only be there on the 6th and 7th." *take that, Insensitive Lady!*
IL: "Do you have any kids?"
Me: "Nope."
IL: "Are you married?"
Me: "Nope." *now witnessing the look on her face that says we officially have nothing in common*
IL: "Oh. Well. There's still time for you."
Me: No response. Conversation over.

How can one appropriately respond to this without picking a fight? Regardless, a few ideas came about while texting this to Danielle and Tia:
Danielle via text message: "Oh, you have to bitch slap her for that one."
My text back to Danielle: "Next time that happens I'm going to tell them I am a barren widow and they should step off."

There are just so many irritants with that comment. What if I was a lesbian? What if I couldn't have kids for some reason? Why would you assume that your choices in life are the only ones someone would aspire to? Why would you assume that the only way to feel complete is to have a husband and children? When's the last time you jetted for the weekend without having to tell anyone where you were going, how long you'd be gone, or feeling like you needed to prepare everything for your family so that they could survive a couple of days without you?

A short while later, I noticed that embroidered on her tote bag was "Women of Faith." I could only think to myself, "Well, there's still time for you, too!"