Milk & Soul Mates

This was my birthday weekend, and in the grand tradition of birthdays yore, Kirk came up to Lansing to spend time with me. I was reminiscing recently with his sisters about the first time I met them, as the memory is so vivid. They came to college for the annual siblings weekend, and he brought them to the mall where I worked. Tiffany was probably 8, and Shel was probably 3. I remember Tiffy being very precocious, and Shel with her hair all scraggly and standing on end as Kirk hadn't bothered to brush it that morning. When I mentioned that it was amazing that it had been nearly fifteen years, Kirk admonished me that once it's greater than ten, you're not allowed to count, almost like when half-birthdays stop mattering.

Back at that time, Kirk was in the closet and I was a straight-not-narrow member of the campus GALA organization. I had a roommate who was a lesbian, and as a way to befriend her and gain her trust, I started going to meetings with her to show my support. I marched in an effort to have sexual orientation included in the university's non-discrimination policy. I spent time trying to understand the struggles my new friends endured. A few months after first meeting Kirk's sisters, he came over to my apartment, nervous and jumpy, wanting to share some big news with me. He told me he was gay. I don't remember exactly what I said to him, as time blurs some details. I'm guessing I told him I loved him and that I was a little bummed! Over the years, I was witness to him coming out to other friends, family and coworkers. I watched the struggles he had, sometimes on the sideline and sometimes by his side. I was his plus-one at work parties where it just wasn't acceptable to be "out." At times, it was a pretty intense thing to share. The vulnerability and uncertainty was often palpable and I often found myself wishing I could change the world for him.

We had talked over Thanksgiving about going to see the movie "Milk" together. The movie, about Harvey Milk, the first openly gay man to be elected to a major political office, seemed right up our alley. So, this past Saturday, we ventured to the theater to take it in. The details of the movie are just a fraction of the experience. Sitting with Kirk, holding his hand as we watched this movie about the struggles of gays and the hatred that they face, was amazing. By the end, I couldn't stop the tears that were streaming down my face. My eyes were red and swollen. I was exhausted. I was enthralled. I was amazed at the courage of so many people who have been willing to fight - not only for themselves, but for those to follow. And I was also discouraged that our society still holds onto such bigotry.

I've never believed that I have one soul mate. And I struggle with the idea of what a soul is. I guess that's the problem with being a concrete thinker. When I had the opportunity to fulfill my general education requirement for Philosophy, I took Logic. It wasn't because I wasn't interested in philosophers so much as I knew that pure logic would make sense to me. I remember being fascinated in 9th grade English by the transcendentalists and the idea of the oversoul and the thought of all finite beings drawing support from one infinite spiritual being of the universe. I was intrigued by the idea of the mere existence of this spiritual being; to me, this differed greatly from the Catholic ideology of a God being a controlling being to fear that I had been groomed to believe in during countless hours spent in Catechism. I've felt connections with many people on many different levels. But the connection with Kirk in the theater Saturday was something I haven't experienced in a long time; it was the sense of just knowing how the other was feeling because of such a long, shared history together. And it served as a reminder to cherish those moments with my soul mates.