And the Streak Has Ended...

It was a good run...over a week with no headaches. I felt one coming on the other night, but was able to stave it off. Not so much yesterday, as waking up with a headache doesn't bode well for the rest of the day. I'm sure that crying a bit at the going-away party didn't help (I still blame Jim - I knew I wouldn't be able to contain my tears if I saw his). But I had sincerely hoped that a good night's worth of sleep, which I actually got, would do the trick. No such luck, as I woke up again today feeling like I should rip off the top of my skull and squeezing my right eye shut. It just might be time to look for a second opinion...and maybe get a little more sleep.

When I had dinner with Jaimie and Haiden, we each told our rose and our thorn of the day, and I think I need to remember this habit when talking about my headaches. So, my thorn is my headache. My rose is still managing to laugh despite all of this.

Still Excited...

Six days in a row without a headache seems amazing. I could feel one coming on last night, but after lying down for a bit and relaxing for the rest of the evening, the feeling went away. I sincerely hope this is the end of it...

In more entertaining news, I looked at the EOBs on line to see how much had been billed to my insurance thus far (and no, not everything has been processed yet...). The total so far: $25,707. To think about what it costs for people with chronic medical problems is staggering. I, thus far, have been one to fly under the radar medically - I would have an occasional illness or a mole removed or what have you, but the cost was never anywhere near what my premiums were. The health insurance companies made a significant amount of money off of me for years, but I seem to be playing a bit of catch-up.

On to more fun things - I'm getting excited for Christmas. I'm not thrilled about my job prospects right now, but I'm sure something will work out as far as that goes. Fa la la la la...

Excited...

I'm trying not to get too excited, but it's after midnight, which makes this three days in a row with no headaches. There have been very quick, sharp, fleeting pains occasionally (usually when I sneeze), but since it goes away immediately, I don't count them. Here's hoping this trend continues...

The Kid

Justin, my nephew, also the best thing my brother has ever done for me, is all kinds of fantastic. I was grateful to spend time with him on Thanksgiving this year. We snuggled on the couch, watching the end of Rocky V (by far, the worst one...). Have I mentioned I'm ecstatic that he still likes to snuggle at the age of almost 11? Anyway, the movie panned to the infamous steps in Philly, which prompted Justin to say, "Oh, Auntie Carrie! I know what I keep forgetting to tell you! You know that book you got me at the Liberty Bell Museum when you went to Philadelphia last year? I read it and I really liked it." Could my heart melt any more? It was a children's history book about spies, and I knew he had been enjoying history and social studies in school. I thought it was a bit of a leap at the time, but figured it was worth a shot. It made me feel good that he read the book, of course. But that he remembered it was from Philly, and related it to seeing another representation of Philly made me realize how much he's growing up. Also great was the chat about what he wanted for Christmas. After rattling off a couple of Wii games, he mentioned he also wanted a few books. I called dibs on those - I figure I will keep feeding the book-loving side of him as long as I can...

Scoreboard

Today: No headache
I think it's day 4 or 5 since early October that I haven't had one. I look at this as significant progress given where I was. The trip to Mexico saw no significant changes to my headache pattern, which was great. I could've gone without the food poisoning, though. But I digress...

The scoreboard for this round of illness:
ER: 2
Family doctor: 2
ENT: 1
Dr. Neurosurgeon: 2
CT Scans: 2
X-ray: 1
MRI: 1 head, 3 spine
Blood word: 2 rounds
Headaches: countless
Support: immeasurable
Amount billed to insurance: tens of thousands...thankful for insurance...

Things are looking up on the health front. I'm anxious to try swimming laps soon, and look forward to seeing the results of the next MRI. Here's hoping for more progress...

Dr. Neurosurgeon Part Deux

Tuesday saw another visit with Dr. Neurosurgeon. I got in much quicker this time, and the appointment didn't last long at all. So, the CT was normal (for the most part). I get to resume normal activities as tolerated, and have a repeat MRI and another appointment in February.

It all sounds great, and on several levels it is. I have had, officially, two headache-free days. But only two. And the headache I have right now, while not too intense, is aggravating to say the least. And to still have the spasm headaches yesterday made want to cry...not so much in pain, but in sheer and utter frustration. And, as always, crying makes it worse. I can feel my pulse in my brain.

Dr. Neurosurgeon gave me the okay to fly, and Mexico should be relaxing. I've been trying not to think about what might happen. I guess time will tell...

Not My Fault...

I meandered over to the hospital again today for yet another CT scan (thin slices this time! And the head, orbits and sinuses!) ordered by Dr. Neurosurgeon. So here's the sequence of events:
-Receive order at Dr. Neurosurgeon's office with instructions to schedule the CT appointment then contact the office for them to obtain the insurance approval. Check - received and understood the order!
-Schedule the appointment and cancel the outstanding MRI for my spine (figured I'd keep that one in case Dr. Neurosurgeon ordered another MRI of something...). Give the scheduling office all sorts of information, including the reason for the CT scan (note: foreshadowing). Check!
-Contact the office regarding the insurance approval. Check!
-Make sure the approval is granted - spoke with Dr. Neurosurgeon's office. Check!
-Show up a half hour early for said scan. Check!
-Sit down and talk with the registration employee. Frick!

So here's how the conversation goes:
Me: Good morning (as I hand her my doctor's order for the test, driver's license and insurance card without her asking because I'm that good of a patient). How are you?
Mean Lady: Good morning. You're here for a CT scan of your head?
Me: Yes, ma'am. And orbits and sinuses.
Mean Lady: Okay. And here's your insurance card and your license? And your doctor's order?
Me: Yes.
Mean Lady: (tapping away on her keyboard) And the reason for the CT scan?
Me: I believe it's on the order - they are looking for a CSF leak (falsely assuming her knowledge base).
Mean Lady: Well I don't know what that even means.
Me: They are looking for a leak of spinal fluid.
Mean Lady: (grabs giant book of medical codes and starts flipping furiously) *Mutter Mutter Mutter*
Me: I'm not sure how that's organized, but some search phrases could be cerebral spinal fluid or spinal fluid. The other diagnosis is spontaneous intracranial hypotension.
Mean Lady: Are you sure it's not a leak due to a lumbar puncture?
Me: Yes, I'm sure it's not.
Mean Lady: Well there's no other reason for a spinal fluid leak. I can't believe they didn't write down a number for this reason. See? (thrusting the book at me) There's leaks, and nothing for spinal fluid except for related to a lumbar puncture. What do you see?
Me: *bewildered and furious* Well, my spinal fluid is leaking. Spontaneously. And I haven't had a lumbar puncture. And maybe I'm a little off base here, but I'm guessing if you code it as related to a lumbar puncture, my insurance may not cover it as they haven't paid for me to have a lumbar puncture. And quite frankly, it's not my job to code this for you. I think it's a bit insensitive of you to imply that I have something to do with this. I informed your scheduling department of the reason for the CT when I called in.
Mean Lady: I just get frustrated with the doctor's offices.
Me: Well I'm sorry to hear that. Perhaps you could call the referring physician's office for the code. Or maybe you should focus on bringing this issue to the attention of your superiors who can fix your own scheduling and billing processes, as I gave them the information already, and it's fairly redundant to do so multiple times. I think that might be more productive and provide better quality customer service instead of being inconsiderate to patients who are leaking spinal fluid.
Mean Lady: You're right. I'm sorry. (tapping away on the keyboard again) Here's your paperwork. Please take all of this to the X-Ray desk and they will get you right in.
Me: Thank you.

Ugh. I didn't yell. I didn't swear. I didn't slap her upside the head like I wanted to. But I also wasn't going to sit there and let her be cranky to me. I like to think I took one for the team (the team being anyone who goes to that hospital for x-rays or other outpatient services...), and that Mean Lady will realize that maybe she should be nice to patients, but I'm not that much of an optimist, and really I think I maybe ruined her day just a bit like she almost ruined mine.

So, the saga continues. Up next: another trip to see Dr. Neurosurgeon!

Frick.

Squeezing right eye shut. Headache beginning. So unfair...

Pure Joy!

Pure joy was having an entire day without a single headache. Not a twinge, not noticing squeezing my right eye shut, not a spasm - nothing. To make matters even better, I was without a good night's sleep, and had an early morning at Justin's swim meet. That kid is just fantastic - every time he hugs me I feel like my heart grows just a bit bigger.

And I managed to make it down to Hamtramck for dinner...we made it to the bakery early enough for me to get my angel wings. The pierogies weren't nearly as good as what Baba used to make, but those along with the potato pancakes and giant chalice of Polish beer made it feel like the holiday season.

Well, Hello Dr. Neurosurgeon...

And yesterday was the first of at least three impending trips to the neurosurgeon. Mom & Miss joined in the fun, which was good. Always good to have mom and a Ph.D. in comparative medicine at the doctor's visit.

Verdict? Spontaneous Intracranial Hypotension. Yes, I was leaking spinal fluid. No, we're not sure why. And though I'm a fairly concrete thinker, I'll have to accept that this may not be explained. I have another CT scan coming up, with another MRI in a few months to make sure everything has healed, assuming the headaches continue to heal. For now, I'm supposed to be active but not exert myself. Yeesh - talk about walking a tightrope - will have to do the best I can.

Fortunately, the last three days have been better...down to one or two spasm headaches per day, and the dull aching headache isn't starting until evening. I laughed at lunch today...unabashadly...without thinking and without pain. I was giddy afterwards. It really is the little things in life, sometimes, that make a big difference, as cliche as that sounds.

Thoughts...

Thoughts / dawning revelations I've been having over the past few days:
-I can't believe I have to relearn how to laugh. It's hurt so much to do so, I now feel like a robot when I think something is funny because I can't express it. It's getting better (there's less pain when I laugh), but it's amazing how cruel it is to not be able to laugh...I feel like I've lost a lot of my sparkle.
-Was I really vomiting my own spinal fluid? I'm pretty sure it wasn't mucous / sinus drainage, but if it was CSF, that's just wrong.
-Never been so excited to meet a neurosurgeon.
-Ugh.
-Didn't realize anyone still read this, especially with how little / how sporadic I am with posting. I should've known... Thanks for getting in touch yesterday, Tia. It was more than good to hear your voice. I miss you and I love you.

...And Seconds...

My second (and technically third and fourth) MRI ever was on Friday. We have moved down the brain to the cervical, thoracic and lumbar regions of the spine. An hour and fifteen minutes spent in a white tube with crazy noises and a very uncomfortable position that wasn't to be altered is not something I should complain about by any stretch - I'm lucky to have access, availability and insurance. But this still sucks, and that's all there is to say. We're in search of some kind of tear in the dura that is allowing a leak of cervical spinal fluid. All I know is that there's a bunch of stuff on the initial MRI report that I wish I had no knowledge of, and I hope that whatever news I get on Tuesday is easier to handle than the diagnostic phase has been so far. I can live without panic attacks and feeling like I am slowly but surely losing my grip on reality and my sanity. I can't imagine how the author of the Permanent Headache blog has gone two years with no answers. I think that would quite literally cause me to go insane.

One-Hit Wonder

There have been a lot of firsts for me recently...first CT scan, first time on narcotics (dilaudid, vicodin, toradol), first time of not knowing to the extent that it's driving me a little crazy. I've been a caregiver so often over the years, and I don't begrudge those experiences. I've learned a lot and have been forced to deal with things that at times seemed insurmountable. I know I haven't always handled things well, or the best that I could, and I'm okay with that. Sometimes, it seemed all I could do was try to put one foot in front of the other and plod through while hoping for boredom.

I haven't had to have someone take care of me in a long, long time...years and years, really. I find that I don't like it one little bit. A friend suggested that it's a control issue, and I have to admit that it's partially true. I also don't like the idea of having to be a compliant patient at some point. I know I don't do so well with rules...mostly because I don't like them, and prefer to make up my own. Life's more interesting and makes more sense to me that way.

So, today was my first MRI. It was a piece of cake, really...lie down on a table, get moved in to a weird tube, slap some ear plugs in and try not to move. My conversation with the MRI technician was entertaining:
Tech: Okay, we're going to move you out of the machine to give you the injection of the contrast now.
Me: Okay. I'm pretty sure I can't do much about that right now, hey?
Tech: Not so much. So, do you have good veins?
Me: I have great veins if you're any good at finding them.
Tech: Well, this *is* my first time doing this, and I usually can't hit the broad side of a barn...
Me: (as the tech is palpating...) Oh, there's a nice, meaty vein in my right arm that I think you'll like.
Tech: No shit...it's like a garden hose. I don't even think I need the tourniquet. I guess I should wait for one anyway, but I really think I could hit it without...
Me: I like to live dangerously. I think you should go for it.
Tech: It's Monday morning...I should probably wait.

He hit it on the first try, and left only a small bruise. Not too shabby, really. And now it's time to wait for results.

Horse...THEN Cart...

I was reassured tonight while talking to Mom that everyone has a hard time taking their own well-intended advice. Mine recently to my dear friend to not put the cart before the horse and not freak out until there's something concrete to freak out about are two pieces I should really be taking. But I also know that a very little bit of knowledge can be dangerous at best... So, I say, "Ugh."

Amazon!

So, I actually ordered something from amazon.com. This is a first - somehow, I've managed to get by without it thus far. However, the pull of haunted house led me to purchase a fountain. I'm excited at the thought of incorporating this in the house:
I mean seriously - it has lights!

The thing that was really interesting to me is that the following appeared in the shipment notification e-mail:

Your order is being shipped and cannot be changed by you or our customer service department.

It just sounds so finite to me. There's absolutely nothing I can do to stop this. If I changed my mind, too bad - there's just no turning back. I'm getting that fountain whether I need / want it or not. Even better - it shipped within a few hours of ordering it. I was a bit surprised at how quick the turn-around time was. Wacky. Anyway, I'm just excited and looking forward to getting this.

My Head

It's so interesting explaining the picture of the back of my head to people who don't know me...

The Sac Part 3: The Castro and My Tribute to Kirk

As mentioned before, the trip to The Sac included a day in San Francisco. We couldn't go to SF without checking out The Castro, especially with a gay man in the car with us.

I've had a lot of firsts with Kirk. How can you not when you've been friends with someone since college? I still remember when Kirk came out to me. I was the first of his people to know. I'm still honored and humbled by that distinction, which makes the fact that our friendship has lasted this long through some very difficult times even more significant to me. With at times rocky relationships with family, Kirk spent many holidays with my family while in our early twenties. My parents' house was a home open to all of our friends, especially during college holiday breaks. And Kirk was a frequent guest, though to my mom's dismay, I wasn't as gracious a hostess as she thought she had raised: the first time Kirk came over, I offered him something to drink, and after he accepted the offer, I told him where the pop, glasses and ice were. He's been getting his own drinks at Mom and Dad's ever since. And that was the beginning of Kirk becoming part of my family.

My friend has been such a big part of my life. I remember when, in college, so many in my family were suffering health issues that I often refused to answer the phone. I instead waited to hear the message on the answering machine (yes, in the times before voice mail...), as if ignoring the call and listening to the message would somehow change the reason for the call in the first place. But if Kirk was there in my room, and even when we lived together, he would enable my fear and graciously answer the phone whenever it rang. It may sound silly, but there was some comfort in knowing that he would hear it first - almost as if some of the sting of whatever horrible thing had just happened would be eased ever so slightly. And when it was the phone call that my grandpa died, and I sat in Kirk's arms, sobbing uncontrollably while feeling the most horrible emotional pain I think I have ever experienced, there's really no place that would have been better for me. He's one of my friends for whom I am most grateful.

As he began his journey of self-discovery that night in my apartment when he confessed that deep, dark secret, I had no idea that some fifteen-plus years later that it would still be a significant part of our lives together. I held his hand, hugged him and listened many times over the years as he's encountered various situations, both good and bad, and he has done the same for me. We both recognized the specialness in seeing 'Milk' together. And, during this wonderful trip to The Sac and San Francisco, we shared our first visions of The Castro together. And here are just a few.

A view of the street, with rainbow flags as far as the eye can see. I wish the picture did it justice.


Harvey's - a bar / restaurant in The Castro with much history attached regarding activism in The Castro and San Francisco, and renamed after Harvey Milk.


Gold's Gym in The Castro. Who could resist a picture of the rainbow barbell?


The corner of Castro and Market Streets - near the heart of The Castro.

This Morning...

This morning I woke up feeling perky and happy. Not artificially, but actually perky and happy. It's been so incredibly long since I've felt this way, I had almost forgotten what it was like. I had almost forgotten it was possible. I had almost lost hope of my old normalcy - of feeling a little spring in my step, a lightness in my heart, and feeling warmth in my spirit. Who knows how long the feeling will last, but I will cherish the hell out of it while I can. Happy Wednesday!

Tales of the Executor Part 1

As executor of my parents' wills (living and dead) and soon-to-be estate, I have just been granted permission to declare them incompetent when the time comes. What a weird feeling. Granted. I'm ecstatic that they are taking these measures to make our lives easier down the road (assuming I don't beat them to the punch...), and Mom, Dad and I talk about this stuff regularly, but incompetence is a new subject. Well, relatively new. I assume this usurps Mom's request that I take her to the woods up north somewhere, drop her off and leave if she develops Alzheimer's to the point where she's completely out of it. I love my family.

The Sac Part 2: Canada Attacks!

Beautiful San Francisco is just over an hour ride from the Sac, and we took the opportunity to take a day and do a little adventuring in San Fran. One of D's goal was to ensure we took a boat ride around the Bay. We bought tickets for one of the smaller boats (you know - the kind that lets you carry beer on board and whose captain doesn't mind if you perch on the not-quite-a-seat part in the front of the boat for an unobstructed view of everything), grabbed a few beers at the nearest restaurant, and settled in for a chilly but fun ride.

The boat tour was around an hour, and the hour was fun and relaxing. We had an amazingly clear day - the clearest D has seen in her many visits to city, most all of which include this very boat ride (according to D, it's the best $15 you can spend in San Francisco - I tend to agree). We were able to easily see the Golden Gate Bridge from shore, which is apparently a rarity.


Me and Kirk with the bridge just behind us, and D and Frank shivering just a little - I think their blood thinned noticeably since they moved away from the Michigan tundra!


A copy of this picture will soon be hanging on my living room wall, along with a few others. It's about time to update the wall hangings, and there will be a little Ode to Cali soon. It really was breathtaking and refreshing.


I had to get a picture of this sail boat. First of all, the view of the city is interesting to me - it's very hilly and very congested (not a good place for claustrophobes!). But the boat really caught my eye with the Canadian flag on the sail - who knew Canada would be attacking San Francisco?!?

The Sac Part 1: The Adventures of Sexy Pig

D and Frank moved to Sacramento (The Sac) back in October, and while I was fortunate to see at least one of them each month through January, the time to plan a trip out to visit rapidly approached. We finally settled on April, and Kirk and I booked our flights. Thinking back, they are some of my best friends of nearly fifteen years. That's fifteen years of memories, stories, adventures, and support for which I am eternally grateful and I was crazy excited to get to spend nearly a week with all of them.

If nothing else, D and I have kitsch in common. The stranger and more odd something is, the more drawn we tend to be to it if just for the comedic value. I still cherish the rainbow inner tube we bought together in South Beach years ago and take it on every camping trip. I still dig around for pictures of the bobblehead we took to Vegas - we photographed that thing everywhere we went (with slot machines, under the beer tap at the Bellagio, on stage at Second City, with a really bad showgirl at the Stratosphere...). D received Sexy Pig in a family White Elephant gift exchange, and while I'm sure everyone else thought it was the worst and most obnoxious gift ever, D fell in love. And when D, Frank and I landed in the Sac and piled into the car and I found Sexy Pig, I knew she'd make it into a few pictures. So, without further ado, here are The Adventures of Sexy Pig!


Sexy Pig made a little trip down to San Francisco. On the way to the Palace of Fine Arts, we missed a turn and ended up on the road to the Golden Gate Bridge inadvertently. Sexy Pig shared the adventure of crossing the bridge twice - the first picture is of the bridge crossing. Kirk was excited to see the Rainbow Tunnel at the end of the bridge, so we were sure to snap a picture of Sexy Pig approaching the tunnel of gay love.



The impetus behind traveling during the weekend we selected was that D and Frank, through no fault of their own, ended up with two extra tickets for a winery tour. Frank was gracious enough to rent a Navigator and a driver, and we proceeded to enjoy the day sipping wine. The first picture is of a scenic view at one of the wineries - there is a barely visible a snow-capped mountain in the background between Sexy Pig's head and the tree. The next picture is of D given a little love to Sexy Pig.



Not only did we enjoy having Sexy Pig around, but she became a bit of a celebrity as we toured the wineries. Ms. New York and Ms. Michigan were rather excited to greet Sexy Pig and were more excited to have their picture taken with her.

I don't know much, but I do know our trip wouldn't have been the same without D's beloved Sexy Pig.

Late Night Thoughts...

Can a leopard change its spots? I'm beginning to thing maybe not so much.

Huh...

Who woulda thunk?

Thanks, Officer Friendly!

Toronto Trip Part Four...or five...I'm so losing count already. I headed to Toronto with Runs With Spatula and Sheryl to meet up with Tia. It's been a while since we've seen Tia, and while it's only for a short visit, it's long overdue to get together and catch up.

Unfortunately, Dianne couldn't join us. We did manage to purchase a chocolate penis and Dutch double-salted black licorice (aka poison, asscandy, pure evil...the list of monikers goes on...) for her. In her honor, I finally tried to eat a piece of licorice. I hate black licorice to start with, but then take black licorice and salt it to the point where you can barely taste the licorice part, and then make it so hard as to not be masticable, and you have something that's virtually impossible to consume. But, I gave it a whirl, which is surprising since the last time I had seen people try to eat this delicacy, I witnessed Tia and Spatula - two people with the most robust constitutions ever - both violently eject said candy from their mouths before it barely had rested on their tongues more than a second. So, I popped one in my mouth with little fanfare, and attempted to eat it. I worked on it for at least two minutes before I spit it out - quite a feat, I believe - which wasn't until I felt my stomach muscles starting to spasm in an all-to-familiar way.

But, I digress. Before we even left Michigan, and while we were passing through St. Claire County, I had the misfortune to be clocked at 83 in a 70. Granted, at the time, Sheryl was reading an article to me from US Weekly (another nod to Dianne) about Britney Spears, which included in the headline "Unstable Britney..." So, I dutifully pulled to the side of the road and began speaking with Officer Friendly:
OF: So, 83 miles per hour?
Me: I know - but my friend was reading this article about Unstable Britney.
OF: I'm surprised you weren't going 90.
Me: No kidding!
OF: You must be pretty popular on the drag race circuit.
Me: Right?
**insert more idle chit-chat about where we were headed, why we were going there, and how much sealed alcohol we were taking with us**
OF: Do you have your license, registration and proof of insurance?
Me: Of course (pulled license from purse and insurance and registration from glove box, secretly thankful that I always get rid of old copies so as to not have to fumble looking at expiration dates...).
OF: Is there anything I should know before I run your license? Any outstanding warrants?
Me: Good god, I hope not!
OF: How's your driving record?
Me: Pretty good - no points, only a few 5-over tickets.
OF: Okay. (returns to vehicle to do whatever it is that cops do when they have your shit)
OF: Okay, before I let you go, I have a bit of trivia for you. Do you know what the left lane is for?
Me: Passing only? Unlike what I was doing?
OF: Exactly. You're free to go - have a safe trip.

So, an officer with a sense of humor who didn't give me a ticket. I have a new-found respect for St. Claire County thanks to Officer Friendly.

The trip was great as usual - Bubba Kegs full of Lambrusco, discovered the wonders of Toronto's mass transit system, and had a blast with my friends. Wish every day could be like that...

Worky work work work....

Email to Clock, because I knew she'd appreciate this:

So, I just had one of the guys bring a touch-up tube of paint in to me. It's a small tube - about 0.5 oz. It has two applicators - one is a brush (very much like nail polish) and the other is a pen-like top where you press down and the paint comes out. Anyway, the guy brought to me a tube that's labeled silver but has red in it. So, we chatted for a bit and he left, and I decided to grab a stickie note to play a little with the pen-like applicator. So I made some dots on the stickie note and decided I was done and put it down. I glanced back over at the stickie note and noticed I had inadvertently made a very phallic representation with dots of red paint. So, I grabbed the tube of paint and added some more dots to make it one giant blob in case anyone walks or stops by, all the while thinking about Super Bad and the 8%...

Mistaken...Yet Again....

Funny conversation after hanging out at the bowling alley:

Andy: You're a democrat, aren't you?
Me: No. I'm hippie liberal, but definitely am more libertarian.
Andy: Seriously?!
Me: Yep. I'm way socially liberal. And I'm more about people having choices.
Andy: So what do you think about the helmet law?
Me: My godfather received a kidney transplant. I have pretty strong feelings helmet and seat belt laws. I figure if you are not a minor, you should have the choice. I am all for enforcing that minors or people who cannot legally make decisions for themselves being forced to comply with helmets and seat belts. But if you're an adult and don't want to be safe, who am I to say? And if you're not smart enough to protect yourself...well, there's other people that may benefit from your decision to be unsafe.
Andy: I agree with you. The government shouldn't legislate morality.
Me: I agree. But I also think prostitution and drugs should be legalized and taxed.
Andy: I'm impressed, May.
Me: How so?
Andy: Because you're willing to walk the walk, not just talk the talk.

I feel the need to add a little caveat. I do believe in education. Strongly. I think people should be educated so that they understand the choices they are making. But beyond providing the best information possible, there's not much to be done.

I do find it funny how it seems if you're perceived as being socially liberal, it automatically dumps you into the category of being a democrat. I've never been registered as a democrat. I've never pulled a straight ticket while voting. I had a hard time voting for Obama because I didn't think he (and his party) were right in not standing up in support of gay marriage and gay rights in general. There were other reasons, too, but that was the main one.

So, I've decided on a few other issues, too. Pleural marriage - have at it. If some man is crazy enough to want to take on many wives, feel free. I personally think it's ludicrous - why would you want to invite that chaos into your life? I don't foresee many women taking on many husbands. Plus, I'm sure that would mean a new religion would have to form first so that women had some kind of reason to believe they should need or want many husbands. I wonder how hard it would be to start this up just to see what would happen...*wicked, wicked grin*

Back to libertarianism...given that I don't belong to any particular party, this is the one that probably most fits my beliefs. I've had a couple of people argue with me about whether or not it's a conservative philosophy (smaller government, lower taxes, more freedom). But I think the overall concept is quite liberal - the idea that people can and should be responsible for themselves is certainly not conservative. I think at times it gives more credit than is due, but I'd rather run with that than try to save or protect people from themselves (generally, an impossibility - human's level of stubbornness is ridiculous - I know...I'm human).

So, those are my thoughts for today. We'll see what tomorrow brings.

Thanks for the Encouragement...

Yet another swim meet today - this one was at OU. The Michigan Open - last chance to qualify for States and / or improve seed times before States. I just love the smell of chlorine.

So, I got to the meet, found Miss and sat down between her and another mom (we'll call her Insensitive Lady, or IL for short) from Justin's team. I got there just as Miss was explaining that Jamie wasn't going to be there today (exhausted and sore from a long day the day before - healing is hard) and the conversation went as such:
Miss: "No, Jamie's not going to be here today. But we have Aunt Carrie!"
IL: "Well, it's certainly not as good as having Dad here."
Me: *trying to hide my irritation* "Sorry?"
IL: "I mean it's nice that you came, but it's just not the same."
Me: "No, I suppose not. I do try to make it to as many of his meets as I can. I always love to watch Justin swim."
IL: "Oh, will you be at the State Meet?" *spoken in a tone to test me to see if I knew when it was*
Me: "I wouldn't miss it, though I'll likely only be there on the 6th and 7th." *take that, Insensitive Lady!*
IL: "Do you have any kids?"
Me: "Nope."
IL: "Are you married?"
Me: "Nope." *now witnessing the look on her face that says we officially have nothing in common*
IL: "Oh. Well. There's still time for you."
Me: No response. Conversation over.

How can one appropriately respond to this without picking a fight? Regardless, a few ideas came about while texting this to Danielle and Tia:
Danielle via text message: "Oh, you have to bitch slap her for that one."
My text back to Danielle: "Next time that happens I'm going to tell them I am a barren widow and they should step off."

There are just so many irritants with that comment. What if I was a lesbian? What if I couldn't have kids for some reason? Why would you assume that your choices in life are the only ones someone would aspire to? Why would you assume that the only way to feel complete is to have a husband and children? When's the last time you jetted for the weekend without having to tell anyone where you were going, how long you'd be gone, or feeling like you needed to prepare everything for your family so that they could survive a couple of days without you?

A short while later, I noticed that embroidered on her tote bag was "Women of Faith." I could only think to myself, "Well, there's still time for you, too!"

Barnes & Noble

Haven't been in a while, so I stopped in today after lunch with Bridget (gotta love an extra day off!). I picked up Florence + The Machine (craving Kiss With a Fist) and think that may end up in heavy rotation in the car. I think this is the year I continue with the trend of reading biographies / autobiographies, so I grabbed two. "The Pact" is about three guys from inner-city Newark who decide to beat the odds and become doctors, and "My First Five Husbands...and the Ones Who Got Away" by Rue McClanahan. What the guy who cashed me out must think... I think this is worse than when I bought "The Diary of Anne Frank," "Grandma's Dead: Breaking Bad News With Baby Animals" and a Flogging Molly cd.

Why I Love Mom...

Email from Mom on New Year's Day...no wonder where I get this personality from...

Hi,

Just wanted you to know that we got bad pizza from Jets tonight. I have a piece of the pizza we originally got in the refrigerator. We returned the rest when they brought us a second pizza. The second pizza smelled bad so we didn't even taste it, just put it in the garage. I called Jets back after the second bad pizza and of course no one else has complained. I spoke to Candace who said she is the owner's daughter on the second call. I also sent an email to their customer service on their web site.

Nancy was here too and had some of the bad pizza. If we die or become incoherent, you know what's going on.

Love,

Mom

Amazing...

...how a few small steps can be so incredible and significant.
...how three short months can seem so incredibly long.
...how I'm reminded constantly how determined and stubborn he really is.
...how that determination and stubbornness have seen him through this far this fast.

It's amazing that everyone's acceptance of a horrible incident comes at such varying stages. Limitations I accepted when it first happened are ideas that others wouldn't consider. But their belief that everything would be just fine is one of the few things that allowed them to get through the first giant phase of hard parts. It got them up the first hill only to be left staring up at a mountain.

How do you recover from every limb in your body being broken except one? How are you able to soldier on with hardly ever questioning why this happened? How do you accept that you'll probably never be able to do certain things with your son when those things are such a huge part of your relationship with him? How do you stay strong for everyone? So many questions I'll probably never ask him because I already know the answer is the same to each one, and it's so ingrained in who we are and how we've been raised. You just do.

Congratulations on the most recent milestone. There're many, many more to come.