One of Those Nights...

Just one of those nights when I could've used a hug. Nothing wrong...things are alright...just needed a hug. However, I was cheered up by hearing John Stewart exclaim, "For fuck's sake!" on The Daily Show. And I enjoyed the interview with Bill Maher...I'll have to see if Mom is up for going to see Religulous. I could see that being a damn fun time with some of my posse in tow.

And on a side note, I really wish Times New Roman didn't exist as a font.

"Would You Rather?" - It's Funny How Things Change...

From Zobmondo:
Would you rather... always lose OR never play?

Not so long ago, I would've said I would rather always win, so I would never play. What's the point of playing if you never win? Now, I would have to say I'd rather always lose. I'm not sure if the fundamental shift in thinking is just from growing up or if it's something deeper. I enjoy challenge. I enjoy mastering things, but I enjoy trying even more. Once I master something, I don't lose interest quickly - I enjoy mastering things over and over again, and trying to make things a little more difficult to stretch my head a bit. Maybe that's why I love cooking and baking so much - I take comfort in both repeatability and improvement, and I've figured out how to make food better over the years. I'm not a master chef by any stretch, but I do make the best chocolate chip cookies ever. I love Sudoku - same premise over and over, but the skill sets evolve and the problem solving becomes more interesting as the puzzles increase in difficulty. I'm okay with being frustrated at things that ultimately don't matter. There's a part of me that likes getting lost when I'm trying to get somewhere on time. I know - livin' on the edge, but sometimes the simple little things can be the most thrilling.

Highly, highly suggestive...

I was in a funk on Thursday. I was definitely cranky, and I couldn't decide if I wanted to go to the comedy club. And that's strange for me - usually if someone mentions the comedy club, I'm one of the first to clear my schedule. But I just wasn't sure I was in the mood. After making some Kraft Mac & Cheese for dinner, I finally decided that since I was still so cranky, I really needed to go to the comedy club.

And that's where Flip Orley comes in. Connxtions billed him as a hypnotist / comedian. I didn't go with the intention of being hypnotized, but his spiel convinced me. He reassured us that we wouldn't be removing clothes or making animal noises, and that we would remember everything and be aware the entire time. So, I looked at Angela and Alex, and at the same time we threw out the infamous, "If you go up there, I'll go, too." And we actually did. But I'm pretty sure I was the only one up there who really ended up hypnotized.

At first, I was sure it wasn't working. Flip took us through a typical relaxation technique, having us focus on a crystal ball he was holding up. He had us do a few things, like raise our hands to tell him our name and, with our eyes closed, hold our right arm straight out with our hands in fists and the ability to keep our arm straight no matter what force was applied to it. Shortly thereafter, it started to get interesting. I went through feeling like I was being goosed every time Flip touched his forehead and giggling about it, holding a glass of water and not being able to drink it, and being completely offended every time he said "Ladies and Gentlemen," while telling him to apologize for being so mean to the audience.

Every time Flip counted from three to one, and had us close our eyes, I felt my chin drop to my chest and my hands unclasp. The most telling were my feet - they were crossed when I had my eyes open, but as soon as I closed my eyes, I felt that my feet were too heavy to keep crossed. I would position them on the outsides of my feet, with my soles facing each other and my sandals practically falling off, while slumped in the chair. I was aware the entire time, and it was a very surreal and fun experience. Runs With Spatula snapped a few pictures on Angela's camera, and each showed how completely under I really was.

I haven't laughed so hard in a long time - my cheeks hurt for hours afterward. I did feel like a circus freak after, as we had a drink at the bar in the comedy club, and I felt many people staring at me from across the room. The emcee for the evening came up and chatted with us on his way out, and commented on how entertaining I was. I am seriously reconsidering a career as a professional laugher.

I did experience a little sense of pride for being open enough to the experience to get so much out of it. I highly recommend giving it a try - as long as I get to be in the audience!

Seriously, PETA...WTF?

PETA wrote a letter to Ben & Jerry's encouraging them to switch from using cow milk to human milk. PETA's position is that a Swiss restauranteur has pledged to switch to 75% human milk, so Ben & Jerry's should, too. Now, you all know how much I love the lefties. But I see a few problems with this:

1. Ben & Jerry's is pretty granola-hippie to begin with. Yes, they get their cow milk from a cooperative creamery. They do not use milk from cows given the recombinant bovine growth hormone (rBGH). I'm sure they seem like a likely candidate to begin milking women to make Cherry Garcia. But PETA, pick on someone who's not doing any good! Both Ben and Jerry are reportedly trying to do what's right for their company, employees and community - the epitome of good corporate citizens.

2. PETA's letter states that cows would have a better life if they weren't forced to get pregnant, give birth and be milked for several years. Wouldn't a woman's life be better, too, if she weren't subjected to what a cow goes through? Save the cows; punish the women. I'm sure you are all now picturing postpartum women on all fours in a barn having automatic milkers hooked up to their very full breasts...now let me ask you, PETA - are they smiling? I think not. I'll admit I believe people rank higher in the hierarchy of life. I know it's unpopular, because many of you have told me it is, but if I have a chance to save my nephew or his dog, I'm saving my nephew. He can get a new dog later. And those of you who would choose the opposite may want to consider re-evaluating what's really important, and consider if you truly understand what a human connection actually is (that's the nicest way I could say that!).

3. Now, consider the math. On average, a woman produces 800 mL of milk daily. Less than one liter in one day. A cow can produce around 5 gallons per day. Let me do the conversion for you: that's almost 19,000 mL. Divide that by 800 mL, and you would need (rounding up, of course) 24 lactating women to replace one cow. Yep, 24. Does that sound reasonable?

4. Finally, let's talk quality control. Let's assume that the taste of the milk is impacted by the subject's diet. I'm pretty sure the cows are fed uniform, strict diets. Who is going to dictate to postpartum women what to eat? Seriously? And frankly, I wouldn't be the first person to stand in their way if they wanted to deviate from their diet. However, I also don't want my Chubby Hubby ice cream compromised by Jolene's curry craving or Maggie's garlic fix.

PETA, I agree that animals should be treated ethically. But don't you think people should be, too?

NPR and Ear Porn

I was driving to the Novi-Farmington area on Saturday, and happened to listen to NPR for part of the drive. I normally listen to music - CDs from Lansing until Brighton, and Detroit radio from Brighton to Novi. But I heard a little teaser that kept me tuned to NPR - it was about Q-Tips, and why it feels "soooo good" to clean your ears. Now, this normally might pique my interest a bit, but I would likely have gotten bored of listening to commercials and would've turned the station and would've forgotten to turn it back to NPR in time for the Q-Tip story. But the teaser indicated the radio personality really, REALLY liked shoving Q-Tips in her ears...maybe a little too much. I felt a little dirty just listening to the teaser. And I became interested in the scientific explanation for the joy one experiences when cleaning one's ears. My guess: nerve endings in the ear somehow connect to the "pleasure centers" in the brain, perhaps releasing endorphines...or something along those lines. And so I kept listening.

I'll be the first to admit that I clean my ears with Q-Tips every morning and every time after I swim. I keep it contained to the outer ear, and usually use the Q-Tip to absorb water that may be in my ears. That being said, I've not derived any intense pleasure from said cleaning. Maybe I've had poor penetration - perhaps I haven't shoved the Q-Tip in quite far enough into the ear canal to experience the exquisite joy the radio host seems to experience, as she asked the otologist why it felt "soooo goood" to stick that little cotton-covered stick in there several times.

The otologist went on to explain that there are in fact many nerve endings in the ear that connect to other parts of the body. He described how during the Roman orgies (not just the sex, but food, too), it was common to have vomitoriums, and a way to induce vomiting was to tickle the ear canal with a feather (ewww...). Obviously, once the Romans emptied their stomachs, they went back for more! But never once did the otologist actually explain why it seems to feel "soooo goood" to shove a Q-Tip in your ear. There was no discussion of neuropathways, pleasure centers, electrical stimuli, endorphines...just a little talk about Romans vomiting. Well, NPR, it's going to be very difficult to believe your teasers in the future!

Joe's Gizzard City

Sweet Jesus. If I can survive a "meal" at Joe's, nothing will kill me. It's all fried. Except the beer, which is lovingly served in Mason jars. Runs With Spatula arranged a trip to Joe's, the only Gizzard City in the world, located in scenic Potterville, MI. After eating there, I can see why there's not a need for a gizzard stand in every town. Certainly, you shouldn't eat there more than once a year if you're healthy. If you have a history of cardiac incidences, you shouldn't even go near Potterville, for fear of not being able to resist the pull of everything you can imagine being deep-fried.

We passed several appetizers among the six of us who seem to have a whole lot of confidence in our arteries and robust digestive tracts. I found the gizzards and Sweet Corn Nuggets to be particularly delicious and addicting. For a main course, I moved on to the small unfried section of the menu for a steak sandwich, which hit the spot. Runs With Spatula, Sheryl and I split a dessert combo. I think there were about seven different batter-fried creations, but I would've been happy with just the Nutter Butters and the Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough. Seriously, the whole experience was disgusting...but so, so good.

And just a side note - the service was fantastic. Our waitress was very patient, helpful and accomodating. She even questioned how much we tipped her (a little over 20% on a rather large tab altogether), and was concerned that the food went to our heads, impairing our mathematical abilities. We told her it was dead on, and that we appreciated her great service.

All in all, it was a great evening - good but disgusting food, great service, and even better company! We'll see how the fried-food hangover treats me tomorrow!

Things I Learned This Weekend...

I went to Lapeer this weekend to spend time with my family to honor my uncle who died in July. The entire Michigan contingent was there - all 18 of us. We were just missing my aunt and her husband (it's hard to call him my uncle - he's husband #3, and I think I've met him maybe twice since 1996, when my grandparents died), who live in Las Vegas.

So, what did I learn? First and foremost, if I never go to another funeral, I'll be a happier person. My family opted not to go through the torture of a funeral service, and instead decided to pick a date everyone could commit to and just spend some time together. We went out to dinner (yeay - nobody had to cook!) at a fantastic seafood restaurant, and followed it up with game night at my cousin Debbie's house. We got to spend time as a family, reminiscing, looking at pictures, playing games, talking...instead of trying to entertain well-wishers and sympathizers while in the prime of our grief. What a concept! I also learned that pretty much everyone's wishes are to continue this new tradition, and to avoid funerals altogether. My aunt asked how I felt about not having funerals for mom and dad (assuming they go first), and I told her it was a relief. I think my past funeral experiences made the grief process much more difficult and raw.

I also learned that mom's love is unconditional, especially when I decide to flip out and melt down, and all of this even before our memorial celebration. I knew her love was unconditional to begin with, but forcing her to prove it made me realize again that she's more than happy to walk the walk, for which I'm grateful.

I also realized new empathy for my cousin, Lynn. I'm not the only one in my family to seriously question our Catholic upbringing. She has stuck with the religion, unlike my siblings and I. We had an interesting discussion about the upcoming election, and lack of separation between church / religion and the political process. I found it interesting that Lynn brought up religious freedom as one of the reasons for the founding of our country. She recognizes this as being important, but doesn't seem to be able to realize that she has that same freedom. My aunt and uncle chose for her to be Catholic, but that doesn't mean she has to continue on that path. I know her belief in God is strong, and she seems to want to have a church where she feels at peace, but she hasn't looked beyond Catholic churches to find this comfort and community she seems to be longing for. I really look forward to talking to her about this more in the future, as religion seems to come up at every get-together. I think I want to challenge her to pick a new church with a different religion to try every few months to see if a little spiritual exploration will help. Yes, I know - this is all coming from the owner of Jeez-Its, Lookin' Good for Jesus lip balm, and a Jesus action figure - not exactly holy relics by any stretch. But I really do respect her beliefs, and wish for her to find what she seems to want so badly.

All in all, it was an emotionally draining few days...I'm glad they're over, but I know I'll be replaying this in my head for a while...