Things I Learned This Weekend...

I went to Lapeer this weekend to spend time with my family to honor my uncle who died in July. The entire Michigan contingent was there - all 18 of us. We were just missing my aunt and her husband (it's hard to call him my uncle - he's husband #3, and I think I've met him maybe twice since 1996, when my grandparents died), who live in Las Vegas.

So, what did I learn? First and foremost, if I never go to another funeral, I'll be a happier person. My family opted not to go through the torture of a funeral service, and instead decided to pick a date everyone could commit to and just spend some time together. We went out to dinner (yeay - nobody had to cook!) at a fantastic seafood restaurant, and followed it up with game night at my cousin Debbie's house. We got to spend time as a family, reminiscing, looking at pictures, playing games, talking...instead of trying to entertain well-wishers and sympathizers while in the prime of our grief. What a concept! I also learned that pretty much everyone's wishes are to continue this new tradition, and to avoid funerals altogether. My aunt asked how I felt about not having funerals for mom and dad (assuming they go first), and I told her it was a relief. I think my past funeral experiences made the grief process much more difficult and raw.

I also learned that mom's love is unconditional, especially when I decide to flip out and melt down, and all of this even before our memorial celebration. I knew her love was unconditional to begin with, but forcing her to prove it made me realize again that she's more than happy to walk the walk, for which I'm grateful.

I also realized new empathy for my cousin, Lynn. I'm not the only one in my family to seriously question our Catholic upbringing. She has stuck with the religion, unlike my siblings and I. We had an interesting discussion about the upcoming election, and lack of separation between church / religion and the political process. I found it interesting that Lynn brought up religious freedom as one of the reasons for the founding of our country. She recognizes this as being important, but doesn't seem to be able to realize that she has that same freedom. My aunt and uncle chose for her to be Catholic, but that doesn't mean she has to continue on that path. I know her belief in God is strong, and she seems to want to have a church where she feels at peace, but she hasn't looked beyond Catholic churches to find this comfort and community she seems to be longing for. I really look forward to talking to her about this more in the future, as religion seems to come up at every get-together. I think I want to challenge her to pick a new church with a different religion to try every few months to see if a little spiritual exploration will help. Yes, I know - this is all coming from the owner of Jeez-Its, Lookin' Good for Jesus lip balm, and a Jesus action figure - not exactly holy relics by any stretch. But I really do respect her beliefs, and wish for her to find what she seems to want so badly.

All in all, it was an emotionally draining few days...I'm glad they're over, but I know I'll be replaying this in my head for a while...