Things I've Been Meaning to Blog About: Rori Raye

Somehow, I ended up on an email list for Rori Raye, author of the "Have the Relationship You Want" e-newsletter. I honestly don't know how I could've possibly signed up for this (or perhaps I didn't - my friend Sara ended up on the Republican National Committee mailing list, and certainly didn't sign up for it, and now she can't get her name off of it), but after reading it a few times, I find that there's no way I can unsubscribe. Rori Raye is the Sarah Palin of relationship advice, and it's a train wreck from which I can't tear myself away.

Case in point: "Doggie Treat Voice." Apparently, if I'm "frustrated, upset and angry" because my man is "totally clueless" or he's "depriving of affection, attention and happiness ON PURPOSE," I should use the "Doggie Treat" voice. The quick version I could glean from this is that if you find that you're not getting what you want from your man, you should:
1. Make your request
2. Evaluate his responsiveness
3. If said request is ignored or remains unfulfilled, assess your request for your tone (if he said this to you, how would you take it?)
4. Modify the manner in which you make your request in order to achieve your desired outcome, with apparently no regard to his wants or needs

This is a surprisingly neutral assessment for me to make, given that this "tool" is presented as follows:
1. Men can sense complaint from a mile away
2. Men tune you out if you complain
2.1 If you complain, the man has "the power" in the relationship

Upon identifying the above issue, stop and realize:
3. You are the man's reward for making you happy
4. You, woman, must retake "the power," assuming you ever had it to begin with

Once you realize this:
5. Your tone will change (as shown by: "your voice is the sound of a dog owner holding a delicious doggie treat and saying "Here, Boy...."")
6. Your man will respond, because men are like dogs in the following ways (yes, I swear this is in the article):
a. Dogs work for treats
b. Dogs work for pats on the head and tummy rubs
c. "Dogs hear words, but what they listen to is their SENSE of WHO HAS THE POWER."
d. "They KNOW that the creature with the food has the Power."

And finally, my favorite quote:
"And guess what - YOU are the food for your man."

Well, I guess that's true if you're lucky! (Yes, my mind is happily residing in the gutter - please don't encourage it to find another home! The gutter is well-decorated, and has a nice, homey feel to it!)

Can you see why I can't stop reading this tripe?