Weebles.

I was at a barbecue today at the home of some dear friends with a young daughter. As I sat outside eating and chatting with friends, I noticed some Weebles sitting on the table. I've been a fidgeter for a long time, always needing to do something with my hands. When I was in high school, we used to hang out at the local Big Boy restaurant, where we would catch up with friends and figure out what craziness to pursue that evening. If we were there long enough, I would steal someone's lighter, and start to melt whatever crayons were on the table from whomever had sat there before us onto the old paper placemats, making some kind of design with the melted waxy substance. I play with the paper napkin rings at restaurants, or fold or shred paper napkins...anything to keep my hands busy. I guess when my hands are busy, my mind is, too, taking in conversations, mulling over scenarios, watching people. In the fine tradition and pattern of my life, I couldn't keep my hands off the Weebles that were on display in front of me, almost taunting me.

So, I spun them. Repeatedly. And I pushed them, knowing they wouldn't tip over. And I studied them, discovering two screws countersunk in the back of the wee Weeble. And I started to wonder how the heck they were made. I was tempted to ask for a screwdriver, but decided instead of ruining a young child's toy when I invariably wouldn't be able to reassemble it, I would go in search of my own Weebles to dissect.

I stopped at Target, knowing the toy section was paltry at best, but hopeful. Target disappointed, so I moved next door to Meijer, and had similar bad luck. I hate to admit, especially to all of my liberal friends who will be mortified at this, but I was desperate! I popped into WalMart in an effort to end the Weeble madness, and was relieved to discover they did not carry Weebles, either, and I managed to escape the megastore without a purchase.

Now, just to get this out of the way, I have taken enough Physics classes and have enough common sense to figure out that the bottom of the Weeble must be heavier than the top. I am not questioning the physics behind the Weeble. I am curious with what the bottom half is weighted. Is it just all hard plastic, injection molded into the shape of the bottom part of an egg? Is it a plastic shell, with some kind of weight inside, though we couldn't really hear anything jiggling or moving inside as we shook the Weebles next to our ears?

I performed the obligatory google search to no avail, as the websites all seemed to point out that the bottom half is heaver than the top (no shit, Sherlock!). So, I now have more questions. Where can I locally get a flippin' Weeble? If I get my hands on one, and tear it apart, will I be able to answer the question? What is my Plan B if I only reveal the bottom half of the Weeble, with no way to access the middle? Why is the Playskool website so awful, providing little to no information about its toys, not even a list of all of the Weebles available to purchase? Why must a Weeble entice me to shop at three different stores, perform several internet searches, write a blog post, and yet still leave me so unsatisfied and empty?